I just wanted to assure everyone that even though I am a seemingly mature 30 year old I still act like a complete and total jackass around a boy I have a crush on. Like when my co-worker Work Crush shows up and addresses me it takes me like, 30 seconds to form a normal sentence and all the while my brain is screaming the words. And when I normally am able to run my mouth with a witty comeback for most situations, when the following happened my response to was to turn and run:
Alison: Do you want to go out?
Work Crush: You mean like go steady?
Augh! Such a brilliant zinger! I had no response! I tucked in my tail and ran! Why I didn't add the word "tonite" after my question was also a real head scratcher as that is what I meant.
The thought of having to date makes me want to throw up in my mouth. After we broke up there was a good week where I kept thinking, "Now I have to start all over!" Really annoying. Especially when I'm the oldest and everyone else has cool husbands/boyfriend and I have baby fever. So don't take this the wrong way, girls, but you all suck. Take that in the most positive way possible, please. I don't even know how I'm going to meet anybody, I detest people. The older I get the quicker I am to dismiss all these hipster d-bags who correct my pronunciation of celeb names. Not to mention Drew, the man who spent half of the Black Rebel show hitting on me only to respond to my query of Do You What To Hang Out Sometime? with the crushing blow of "Married." Sigh.
P.S. Just in case you're worried if Work Crush were in a social group, he'd be a Gamma. I'm trying to avoid any adult version of an Axe, Delt, or Owl. Did I ever get a crush on an Owl? That could be the only group I missed!
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It's not easy to make a non-morning person laugh before 7 a.m., but you've done it, Sweet.
ReplyDeleteThis: "I don't even know how I'm going to meet anybody, I detest people." almost made me snort coffee.
Meanwhile, how did you leave it with Work Crush? You literally just ran away and didn't speak again?
I was able to approach him about ten minutes later and informed him since we were going steady he was now required to go out to the bar with all of us that night.
ReplyDeleteHe did.
Better 10 minutes later with a comeback then never!
Aly, awesome to you for even saying anything to Work Crush. Your heart is like a monster truck rally of love and that is how you will meet someone again. I have no doubt. Also, you just straight up rock the shit so you have that going for you as well.
ReplyDeleteI love it. I snorted (on first type that was snotered, which I kind of like better)so hard I had to blow my snotty nose. Jordan was like, "What is it?" I could only smile (and think of what Gamma Work Crush has become in my head).
ReplyDeleteI am so glad this blog began because it gives me posts like these to make me feel like I am in your company.
ReplyDelete